My Immortal
by roxyrainbow
Summary: songfic Lucius and Hermione's relationship strains during and after the war. quite sad...


**disclaimer:the characters in this story belong to the great JKR and i receive absolutely no money for my writting. My Immortal is property of Evanessence.**

**AN: this is my first real attempt at writting any sort of fanfiction and I will not say that it's great because compared to some of the stories I've had the pleasure in reading on this site my story is probably worth going in the trash. I have always loved this song and after listening to it over and over I had an idea to try a songfic.**

**any and all reviews are welcome**

_I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears  
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave  
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone_

She is laying in the soft bed watching the door as she listened to him dressing, again. The rustle of clothes and quiet breathing was the only sound that she could hear. 'There was no comfort here,' she thought bitterly. He comes to her now so often that it seems even after he is gone that he still remains. She smells his scent on her pillows and sheets. She tastes the spice of his breath for days and when she lies down to sleep her dreams consist only of him. She hates this room, this room where he taught her to love. 'No' she inwardly scolded. 'This is not love.' She thinks back remembering when this all began. What were his words? She didn't even need to ask herself that really because she could still feel those words on her. They were like a blanket of hate, despair, and stupidity and she wore it without question.

"Creature comforts mudblood." As he was speaking he was twisting a long tendril of her dark hair in his fingers. She shuddered at the word and he smirked indifferently. "I believe that you are just the _creature_ to give those comforts to me." As he put the emphasis on the word she sucked in a breath of air and held it. She would not fight this. She wasn't weak by most standards but it was taking all the strength that she had to fight this war. She had nothing left and she too needed comfort even if it was in the arms of one Lucius Malfoy. 'Let him take what he wants,' she thought. And he had.

_These wounds won't seem to heal; this pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase_

She missed him desperately. This knowledge caused old wounds to open and scream at her. She had no right to miss him. She had no right to love him the way that she did but she did. No amount of time could make her forget his arms around her, his beautiful body pressing into her ripping out her soul and tossing it aside. No, she would not easily forget that man.

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have all of me

Her tears nearly break him. Lucius knew that he put them there. He forced them out of her because for Hermione to continue to fight and to live she had to grieve. He brushed his fingers across her cheeks to rid them of the wetness and in turn she looked at him with some strange mixture of hate and of thankfulness. She did not want him to try and soothe her he knew but in the moments when she needed it he would. In the beginning when her screams tore through the night they were what kept his own helpless screams at bay. He reveled in the sound of her sorrow and used it against her. Shouting at her, "Scream mudblood it won't bring them back! You're showing the enemy how weak you are!" This would bring more tears. He took his comfort in breaking her even as he was filling her up with what most would consider an act of love. Lucius wasn't sure when the hatred slipped away. Now in the darkness of her tiny room he holds her hand on his chest hoping that this helps her. Hoping that he chases away some of the sorrow before he has to cast her to the side and walk away as if that beautiful girl is nothing more than a sexual release. He does not leave her alone though. His heart and soul remain behind to hold her. There is no room for heart or soul in battle so let her keep them.

You used to captivate me by your resonating light  
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind  
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

It's funny to Hermione to think that Lucius ever had light in his soul but there were moments when that was all he was. His body rocking in and out of her almost as if he was forcing her tears to fall and when they fell he was there to brush them away. Long fingers slide across her face and his voice serving to wash away whatever it was that was hurting her so. She felt trapped in this place. He was keeping her here and haunting every moment. Even in sleep there was no peace, especially in sleep because in sleep she could see his lovely aristocratic face and hear that silky voice. It was that stupid voice that did nothing but drive her completely over the edge as if trying to break her down. It was these dreams that had her waking in a cold sweat cursing his name and begging him to just go away.

These wounds won't seem to heal; this pain is just too real  
there's just too much that time cannot erase

But no amount of time could make her forget. She wonders if she is nothing without him now then what could she have possibly been before him.

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have all of me

He had given her what he had to give. He went to battle without those things so that she would never have to be without him. He was torturing her in his death. He had done more damage in loving her than he had ever done in hating her. When she cried he mentally kissed them away and when she screamed he fought to drive away the demons. Then he'd lean close to her sleeping body and whisper, "I'll always be with you."

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
but though you're still with me, I've been alone all along

'He's gone Hermione.' She told herself this everyday begging her to believe it. Something remained of him though. She knew because it washed over her and seemed to want to comfort her but there was no comfort here. She laughed resentfully at that thought for it was a thought that she had had once before. She could bask his heat and taste his breath and the Gods forbid she could feel his love but she was alone.

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have all of me, me, me


End file.
